So sad to hear about Earl Silverman. Hopefully though, his death won’t be in vain. This is a fairly high profile case, so hopefully enough people see it and it can inspire change. Maybe now people will see that the downsides of feminism can be pretty damn severe, and that it’s not exempt from criticism. Maybe now people will realise that all victims of domestic abuse deserve the kind of support that is sadly currently reserved for one gender, and maybe now they’ll do something about it.- Anonymous
I was listening to AVFM radio last night, they had a special episode for him, many of his friends and co-workers called in and told of his state of mind. Many of them have lost other friends and activists recently, all men, all suicide. They said his shelter was the last thing he had left, he was frustrated by people just doing nothing, talking but never doing and that his suicide might be enough to make people notice. They are promising that his death will not be in vain and they’ll do whatever they can to finally do something.
A friend who lived with him said that he was abused by his ex, even in public when, surprise of surprises, he was arrested and charged, bystanders were appalled and tried to say he was the victim not the abuser but thanks to the Duluth bullshit, they’re supposed to arrest only the man. Such tactics guarantee that only men will show up on the DV statistics hence people saying that 97% is committed by men when in fact it’s nearly identical everywhere. It’s a complete con.
One person said that drawing attention to it is not the problem because they already know, they deliberately only bring attention to the female side. That’s where the money is. It’s also safer, look at the reaction to even wanting to talk about it. He thinks that maybe that realisation made him give up.
There is also an article on Activist Burnout, as we seem to losing a lot of them to suicide, it could be useful to know what to look for in ourselves and others.
JtO said something I can definitely relate to, that every time they receive such a violent response, he understands their motivation and cause even less. Keeping the industry one-sided not only ignores the other but keeps them both going. And his rant said what I was thinking, Earl Silverman was murdered by the system and by neglect. I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels that feminism is directly responsible, that “little red frothing fornication mouth” as he calls her, is responsible.
He also mentioned about how people see men who try to do things for themselves, they are dismissed as selfish but a woman can be so ego-centric and make the entire world revolve around her, demand that everyone drop everything and cater to her every whim and she’s to be proud of that. People hear women when they so much as gasp but men will literally die to be heard, only a pile of bodies will make them notice and even then, just barely.
As for the response to his death and to violence against men being ignored, we’ll probably get a mix of the following:
- People saying we need more feminism
- “It’s just the patriarchy backfiring on men”
- “Women are just lashing out at their oppressors”
- “Cry me a river”
- “He got beaten by a girl? Pathetic”
- “But the rates of domestic violence against men is so small as to be insignificant”
They may even pretend to include some of the more major issues while simultaneously trivialising them/making it misogyny then doing nothing about it. Maybe the “I need feminism because” lot will make a backhanded attempt at appeasing us à la “patriarchy hurts men too”.
Patriarchy does hurt men, though. This situation had nothing to do with feminism.
It is patriarchy that says that women are small and weak, and couldn’t possibly hurt men.
It is patriarchy that makes a victimized man the villain, and disbelieves that a woman could have possibly abused him.
It is patriarchy that says that men can’t be abused by women (physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually. That means rape), and if one has, he isn’t a man. He’s a joke. And this is why the numbers of pretty much any kind of abuse toward men are low: men feel pressured not to make reports.
And I’m going to say this now— anyone who thinks it’s funny when a man is abused by a woman isn’t a feminist. Feminism is about making men and women equal in every way. It is as much about getting women the same rights, as it is about making sure women are tried and punished the same as men for the same crimes. Saying that it’s funny when anyone is abused is disgusting.
With proper respect given to the dead, it wasn’t feminism that killed him. It was a system that holds two sexes at very different standards.
Patriarchy kills men.
Who gets to decide what a real feminist is? There is little to no moderation, especially since the movement is so huge, the radicals are often the ones in high positions and are left to do as they please with little discouragement from their peers.
The early feminists fought to get women automatic child custody and won. Now it’s feminists saying that it’s a part of patriarchy.
Patriarchy did not invent the womb.
Why do feminists suppress data and doctor results that go against the message they want to send?
Why did feminists come up with the Duluth model, having men be automatically arrested even if they were the ones being beaten, even in public like Silverman when rates are damned near identical?
Why do feminists try to block any attempts at helping men?
Why do feminists constantly advertise women only shelters, of which there are thousands, and use false statistics and tell us it’s one directional?
Why do feminists protest men’s shelters?
Why are feminists actively trying to close women’s prisons in the UK when we already have an enforced sentencing discount as well as the pre-existing bias and fewer convictions making the idea misleading?
Why do feminists violently protest attempts to bring these issues to light?
I made it to the cop-out of hurt men before I couldn’t read the rest of their special pleading.
Yes, “hurts men”. Not “harms men”. Not “damages men”, “wounds men”, “destroys men”. Not, it’s just a transient little ache, why are you even complaining? Stubbed toes hurt, feelings hurt. But the thing about the word hurt now is that is a discomfort now. An inconvenience.
We’ve rocketing towards some singularity of intellectual dishonesty, where we can’t acknowledge the suffering of others because it means one other person might not pay attention to your own. I have to ask, when did this person become such a vicious, vindictive little vic-com that they come onto a post about a man who gave his life for victims of abuse and killed himself to pat every on the head like we’re talking about him skinning his fucking knee?
Are we becoming that sociopathic now that we can’t take five fucking seconds to actually think about something before butting in to the conversation to dismiss all concerns and condescend to the people talking about the very real suicide of a man who was ignored by this patriarchy that is supposed to HELP and AID him?
Is this what it’s come to? Really?
I was suicidal not very long ago. I was fortunate enough to have people in my life who love me and can look out for me enough to bring me back from the brink. Even people on Tumblr who I’ve never met have helped me. I can’t even imagine the strain on a man who stood almost completely alone attempting to fight for services for those our society chooses not to recognize. He had the gall to question the notions that supported where money goes in our justice system. He had the brazen attitude that perhaps being human means you’re worthy of care. That having a penis shouldn’t exclude you from getting help when people abuse. The insane notion that being human precludes all other factors in how we treat each other with dignity.
I can’t tell all of you enough times that the accusation of patriarchy is not only meaningless, it pushes the goalposts. When men talk about how we commit suicide at over 4x the rate (and more, globally) than women, that’s a worthy issue to have discourse over! Ascribing it to a system and blaming the victims through it is only designed to serve the person making that association. There is literally no tangible benefit to those who may kill themselves, as I’m sure their troubles are so relieved by you being there to say men in general did this; You can’t be seen as legitimate until you actually kill yourself and even then you can expect to be mocked.
The comments before me are luminous. Gender politics is becoming quite sociopathic on the feminism end. It surely does not need to remain that way. So, if you don’t think any of the things being discussed here reflect you as a feminist (if you define yourself as one), go right ahead and do something about it when you see it happen around you. If you’re interested in seeing the video for yourself mocking the suicide victims, check out a video of this individual at the U of T CAFE meeting earlier this year. The comments (and song she sings, not kidding) begin around the 9 minute mark, but I challenge all of you to actually make it through the entire thing. I recommend turning down the volume on your device.
People like ‘big red’ as they call her are the individuals fighting this ideological war on the ground. Saying “she isn’t a feminist” is exactly what I mean when we talk about moving the goalposts. It’s not that important to feel right about things. Perhaps, we all have more to learn yet. Join me in denouncing her, so we can move this conversation to a point in which we can actually accomplish goals. Men might instinctually prefer their gender roles, but I think most of us would agree we’ve reached the point in which we can begin to abandon them altogether. I firmly believe that requires everyone to be on board. Otherwise, men and women’s activist groups are forever two forces attempting to topple the other to no avail. The benefits are aplenty if we can resign to open the discourse to everyone, since it affects everyone. No worthwhile set of beliefs makes itself immune to criticism. In fact, good models welcome it.
Earl Silverman should not be forgotten. He died because he could not bear the burdens of so many with so much stacked against him. The world lost a wonderful person. I would have liked to have met him. I wonder who, if anyone, can step up to fulfill his goals; They were worthy.
This literally brought tears to my eyes, good sir.
So…feminists saying that men have no problems, and that there is no sexism against men…feel happy now? Do you feel happy that this man committed suicide because he saw all the sexism around him, in plain sight, and no one cares or even acknowledges it exists? Do you feel happy that the man that ran the ONLY men’s DV shelter in that part of Canada, one that was way overrun and understaffed because no one thinks about the very real fact that males are OFTEN DV victims, committed killed himself? Like what…..do you feel proud or something?
Is this what humanity has come to? Being so sociopathic that you can’t even acknowledge that just because someone is different and seems to have more power, that they don’t have extremely serious problems too?